5 Behavioral Traits That Reveal Your Lover’s Real Personality

2. Their willingness to bet on themselves

Several months ago, I wrote an article about the little things that say a lot about us. I think it resonated with a wide audience because we’re all on a journey of self-discovery, and the image we project to others matters a lot because we’re judged by it.

I’m a sucker for love. The other day, a thought sprung in my mind; “Hmmm…. Isn’t knowing the people we choose to love as equally important as knowing ourselves?” You see, emotions have a way of overriding logic, and that’s often when relationships hell break loose. I’ve been there — it ain’t pretty!

It’s critically important to know your lover really well before you become entangled in the drama of heartbreak, divorce, financial wrangles, and all the whatnots. Nobody got time for drama, and you’re too special to deal with that. So without further ado, here are some pretty big things that tell you a lot about your lover. They can help you harness logic before you make a huge commitment.

“To be with the right person cannot solve all your life’s problems, on the other hand, being with the wrong one can create many.” ― Luigina Sgarro

1. How They Act When Everybody’s Watching.

I grew up hearing that who I am when nobody is watching matters. Although that holds, I’ve come to learn that who somebody is when everybody’s watching matters more, especially in relationships. Nothing that says more about your lover’s personality, like how they act in public from how they talk to you, hold your hand, or give you that light kiss.

The people we admire aren’t obsessed by the need for others’ approval. They are the same in sweatpants as they are under the glare of glamorous balls. That’s what you want in a lover. They don’t have to act a certain way because they’re not trying to impress anyone else. You’re all they’re focused on.

So, ask yourself, is your partner different outside the confines of your house? Is he as affectionate, or does he withdraw? If their mannerisms are constant, it shows they’re dependable, predictable, trustworthy, and committed to the relationship.

On the other hand, if their demeanor changes, they become reserved or overly engaging, be aware. They’re immature, and it’s difficult to know them authentically, much less trust them.

2. Their Willingness To Bet on Themselves.

Susie Moore is a damn good sassy writer and a successful coach (despite not having a college degree or even completing her certification course) I love her. She crystallizes the notion of betting on yourself: an unyielding belief in your own abilities coupled with an unwavering commitment to your future.

That’s all great and all… but why does it matter? Allow me to explain. When it comes to choosing a partner, their willingness to bet on themselves shows their ability to step up to their role in the relationship (emotionally and financially) It shows they believe in themselves and are willing to after their dreams relentlessly.

This trait can impact your union significantly by inspiring you to follow your own goals. When you’re successful as an individual, it seeps into your romance and brings you closer. Now, let’s talk about money for a moment. When it comes to relationships, it’s crucial for both partners to pull their weight. Love is great, but love needs food and shelter, in fact, studies show that financial constraints are a major cause of divorce.

So yea, the willingness to bet on themselves shows self-assuredness, honor, and reliability but is also key in ensuring that your relationship stays tight for the long term.

3. Their Ability To Stay Flexible in Tough Times.

The capability to bounce back to the game of life after a hard knock out is a superpower. It differentiates real men and women from weak boys and girls. When people aren’t flexible, and can’t make the necessary decisions to get back up, they subject themselves to a half-baked life and drag their poor lovers down with them.

A decade after my dad’s friend lost his job, he’s still laying in the rubble of his misfortune, reminiscing the good old days, only because he lacks flexibility. To compensate, his wife works so damn hard. One look is enough to see the misery in her eyes.

Being flexible in tough times shows that a person can adapt to any situation and figure out the next step. It’s an indicator of their courage to break the rules and traditions that defy sense. Being in an interracial marriage has given me incredible admiration for couples who traverse the boundaries of race, religion, fame, and wealth to fight for their love — especially if it means standing up to those closest to them.

You want a lover who is flexible and isn't afraid of life’s challenges and suffering because they understand that there are always at least two solutions to every problem.

4. Whether or Not Their Circle of Friends Evolves.

Humans are ever-evolving creatures. As I get older, my perspective about life, how I spend my time, money, and treat my body keeps changing. It’s a part of growth and growth always brings change. To ensure that life stays exciting, you have to change continuously. As long as you’re growing, not all your friends can take that journey with you.

We’re always letting go of people and attracting others along the way. It’s impossible to set high goals and pursue them if small thinkers surround you. If the person in your life still holds the same circle of friends from two decades ago, you can be sure that they aren’t making any substantial progress in life.

It’s not to say they should erase their mates from their lives entirely; it’s just that people are usually brought together by common goals and ambitions. And when these change, the circle of friends should change too.

5. Their Willingness to Defend Your Place in the Relationship.

We all want someone with a harmonious relationship with their family because we take it to mean they’re a perfect partner. To some extent, this is accurate. When your partner is committed to his family, it shows their love, loyalty, and respect. But they also have to be willing to defend you from their family if need be.

According to April Masini, a relationship expert:

“When your partner doesn’t stand up for you, there’s a chipping away at the foundation of trust in the relationship.”Being in a relationship means you can count on each other. But if your partner doesn’t stand up for you — either in private or in public — there’s a dissolution of trust. And that dissolution of trust allows negativity and anger to creep into the relationship.”

Family interference ruins marriages. It makes the other partner feel “unseen” or undervalued, and their rightful place in the relationship is given away.
If your partner is overly committed to his family, it shows they don’t know how to set boundaries, fight for their independence or think for themselves.

“‎There is nothing sweeter than finding the right person to love and cherish and to share your hopes and dreams with.” ― Mary Lydon Simonsen

Having a good understanding of the type of person you want to share your life with is one of the biggest favors you can give yourself because they can alter the entire trajectory of your life. You’ll be happier and more fulfilled if you choose a lover who’s dependable, willing to bet on themselves and grow continuously. Choose well.